Blue
For loved ones.
Siblings, Partners, and Adult Children are often drawn to this circle.
It sometimes takes time to see the ways we are negatively impacted
by the 'harm to' or 'caused by' someone we love.
In a different way, we too are impacted negatively by the harm event(s).
While our heart breaks for our loved ones, we too have been impacted. It can be confusing to know how best to fit into a family system after sexual harm has occurred, and how to show up in a supportive way without losing ourselves. Our instinct, often, is to take a backseat to the pain of others. And yet, that might actually be keeping our family or loved ones from truly healing.
The BLUE participant is a leader, not a caretaker.
The first step in being a powerful leader and ally in one’s family, is to understand the unique impact the harm has had on us, the sibling who wasn’t harmed, the partner who joined the family and then found out about the sexual abuse, or the adult child who lived with the disconnection caused by family secrets - or who held up their parent as they struggled with their emotional well being.
There are always those loved ones who surround those who are most injured. We often go into that situation putting our own needs aside, and focus on showing up for others. We soothe, mediate, attempt to find the middle ground, negotiate, advocate, fight for justice, talk, don't talk, and eventually realize we are exhausted, and need a break. Playing the caretaker chips away at our own strength and foundation.
The strength is in the boundaries.
In every family system where this kind of harm has occurred, each member must do the work to find a healing balance. It isn't the same to say "I am fine" because we feel less impacted than others do. In fact, in this way, the BLUE participants can take up space, and show they too are negatively impacted. This gives the whole system a new perspective. It is not all on the Green to heal themselves while the others wait. BLUES too have been harmed, albeit in a different way.
BLUE participants can also demonstrate healthy boundaries and empower others to have them too. Healing happens at an individual pace, not on someone else's timeline. As BLUES heal and learn about the path to healing from harm, they can also help teach it to others. When the BLUE is still in relationship to the one who caused harm, they can also role model taking responsibility and being sensitive to the evolving needs of others.
Learning the path to healing will allow the BLUE participant to keep themselves strong and steady. Ask for their own needs to be met and keep healthy boundaries. In the end, a solid BLUE will lead the way for others by role modeling what it looks like to heal.
We can all heal from anything, if we know how and have the support to do it.
Learn more about the structure and process of Healing Circles.
The weight is lifted when we do it together.
Our program aims to take our participants, approximately 300 per year, and give them the individual healing, the collective understanding and the prevention education to stop child sexual abuse before it begins.